#0 Name: Anonymous
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#18053 Name: Anonymous   35min
I've known this was going to happen for 6 months, but I kept pushing it off... I'm going to break up with my bf next Sunday. He's a nice guy, but he struggles to perform as an independent human being. He has a 2.5 GPA, refused to apply for internships, refused to apply for a part time job, doesn't text me first, & doesn't take me out on dates. We have free therapy on-campus & his parents would support him seeking an adhd diagnosis, yet this man refuses to do anything because "its fine". It's fine because I've picked up the slack for him. I had to apply to internships, write his resume, and coach him on interview tips all for him to text me he needs a 2 month break 1 week into his internship because its "to overwhelming dealing with the internship and how clingy & over emotional you're being". A 2 month break which coincidently happens during my birthday.
If you're wondering why I've been with him, so long it's because he can be really sweet and emotionally understanding. The second any of that sweetness or understanding bridges over into him having to do actual work it quickly breaks down. He would be tolerable if he swallowed his ego and started Adderall, which he borrowed from his friend once and he said it "fixed his problems". He's so kind and sweet, but he's inept at doing anything expected of a normal human. The end of the "2 month break" which I had to beg him to cut down to a 1 month break is when I'll meet him in person and tell him he has to change or it's over, I've already asked him to change multiple times so it's probably over.
#18054 Name: Anonymous   6h
probably gonna eat a burrito then go to sleep
#18055 Name: Anonymous   9h
>>18053
damn girl, good on you for putting your foot down. relationships are hard sometimes
#18056 Name: Anonymous   10h
>>18053
>>18053
I'll meet him in person and tell him he has to change or it's over

bad idea, just end it. an ultimatum won't change him. there's a chance that breaking up with him will, and then you can choose whether to try again or not. just rip the band aid off
#18057 Name: Anonymous   14h
>>18054
how was your burrito? tasty, I hope
#18058 Name: Anonymous   20h
>>18053
Do you love him?
#18059 Name: Anonymous   21h
>>18058
Yes. He's funny, cute, & romantic in a spontaneous way. When he has to plan or make a continuous effort towards anything out though he struggles. Like when I have BPD episodes in front of him he can empathize, calm me down, he'll say he'll fix it, but the second I leave he just forgets about it. That's kind of why I want to go the ultimatum route because if he could just get the slightest bit of drive or concentration on a task he'd be the perfect bf.
Breaking up with him is probably the best step because the only way he can act is if something hurts him directly. I realized my personal pain isnt much of a motivator.
#18060 Name: Anonymous   23h
>>18053
If he could have you poop for him he would. This guy isn't kind. He blamed you for quitting his internship? He just had to have a breakdown on your birthday? Run, girl!
#18061 Name: Anonymous   23h
>>18060
No you mis understand. He didn't quit his internship. We basically only hanged with each other for a year, all our friends moved or graduated, and when his internship started the stress of him only talking to me, who has BPD, and working 9-5 made him want to take a 1 month no- contacg break, so he could "emotionally reset" which overlaps with my birthday. He's an asshole, but not like that. He's still working the internship
#18062 Name: Anonymous   1d
>>18053
From what you have shared, it sounds to me that he is simply not mature enough to be in any kind of romantic relationship right now. If he was truly empathetic to your feelings and emotions, then he wouldn't keep brushing off your reasonable concerns about his lifestyle like he is now. And he certainly wouldn't run off and take a "break" for two whole months.
You are willing to do extra work to help him, put aside your comfort to support him, but he cannot do the same in return. Assisting one another is part of the basic foundation of a romantic relationship, and if he can't do that, then what you have with him will never work out.
Sadly, an ultimatum rarely works in this case. no matter who it comes from. Any change at this point must come from himself instead.

Keep your head up, though. In time you will find someone that can reciprocate and consistently treat you with the respect you deserve.
#18063 Name: Anonymous   1d
I met another boy, why do I do this to myself
#18064 Name: Anonymous   1d
the pleasures of dying alone are an acquired taste only for the magus elect
#18065 Name: Anonymous   1d
read about trilobites and the Cambrian period today.

Did you know?

While the smallest trilobites were only 1mm in length, the largest could be over 2 feet.